Well, today I've been cleaning my computer out of unnecessary programs and softwares. I got bored one day and figured I don't need any of those programs that I really don't use. I got rid of Quattro Pro, Access, Ad-ware, Music Match Jukebox, InterActual Player, WinMX, Showbiz, MailWasher and a bunch of other crud. As well, I uninstalled MSN Messenger. That was hard. I've been talking to this girl from across the seas......just chatting it up almost on a daily basis so we've got to know each other pretty well. As we got to talking more and more I began to realize that we had so many similarities. It struck me that we had the same taste in music, same sense of humor, same life style and so on. And god, she was beautiful as well. Especially when she put on her glasses......made her look like a sexy sophisticated woman. I can honestly say that we were a perfect match. But there lies the problem. Here I am......somewhere in the vast U.S. and there she was.........somewhere in Singapore. I was never one to believe in relationships or even falling in love over the internet........but strange.........somehow, somewhere along the way, I think I fell in love. I mean, she was the dream girl that I imagined to exist for my pitiful life. I believe myself to be a solid man, standing up to anything and anyone without a hint of emotions. But strange.......everytime I talked to her, everytime I saw her, my knees would buckle and I would get this churning and burning within my chest that it scared me. And I pondered, what is this I feel? What is this feeling within me?

But this girl......I think she was already head-over-heals for another guy.....here in the U.S. Of course, envy settled within me since it was he that caught her attention and not me. But still, I hoped that maybe it would be I that would catch her full attention. Later, I hinted to her my feelings and she understood. Her answers were put in such a way that it was not a rejection but rather, letting me know that some things are not meant to be. I don't know if I can say that I believe in destiny, but if there is, she made it clear that it, that we cannot happen. Ya, I was dissapointed but hey, I figured that I might as well be satisfied in simply knowing her as a friend.......then who knows. But later, I got to thinking, what a fool I am! How could I possibly fall in love with a girl I hardly know and worse, with a person from across the world. What was I thinking? I dunno. But somehow, she got my heart........and I don't know if she's going to give it back. Hell, maybe I don't need a heart. Could I possibly live without one? I guess I will have to try.

Well, so there I was, talking to her once again and I mention that she may not hear from me anymore, so I explained that I was cleaning my computer out. To make a long story short, I said goodbye and wished her well in her life and relationships. Wished her well in her inspirations, her hopes, her dreams.......and that was that. I signed off...............................and unplugged as the humm of the computer died away to nothing. And the silence............was like the calm and quietness after a raging thunderstorm. I think I will truly miss her. I know I will truly miss the endless sharing, the endless laughter; but such is life. Who knows, maybe someday we might run into each other..........but if we do, I'm sure it will be a different story.